dark_confusion

This joke was told to me by a teacher many many moons ago, I know it's old, but I still find it hilarious.

So, here goes

One day Mickey Mouse goes to an attorny and him that he wants a divorce from Minnie
The attorney asks; "Mickey, why do you want a divorce? When you said your vows it was till death do you part and in sickness and in health. Just because Minnie has gone a little crazy you shouldnt just leave her now in her time of need."

Mickey then replies;" I didnt say she was crazy, I said she was f**king Goofy."

So, first off I am happy about my grades this quarter. My marks are really good. I go 2 A's, B+ and a B. My cumulative GPA is 3.6. I am really happy. I still think that I could have done a little better but I think that I am just being a perfectionist in that aspect. I am really reall happy.

The secret door is open (the room of requirement) on JKR's site. You have to click around for a while to get the items to appear, or you can go on the HP Lexicon and look up the secret door or go to Mugglenet.com or one of those sites. Anywho...

...Ok, I finally know the title of book & am now curious about it. The Book will be called Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. So cool. I can't wait until the book comes out. So many theories, I wonder if any of them will be right. I am very excited.

over, at least until the 8th. I am happy and I will find out my grades tomorrow. I hope I did well. I still have many ideas of things to do over the break and all of them have some creative aspect. I really really want to learn how to knit. I just have to find a good book or video to get started, so if anyone knows of one, please let me know. Other than that there are some things that I want to make. I got one idea from one of my bosses and the other was from something that I saw on ebay. I do have to work tomorrow but after that I am going to try and stop by a couple of craft stores to pick up some items that I will need for a few of the projects that I have given myself.
Next month I believe that I am going to find someone to make my Quidditch robes for next Halloween so that they can get started on them and to ensure that I will have them ready for Halloween. Oh for those that do not know, Quidditch is the sport that they play in Harry Potter. If I can not fond anyone out here to make them, I found one person online that takes orders but she is in the UK. We will see what happens.
I am happy though, because this Saturday I am going to the place where I find many many of my collectibles, I am so happy because I haven't been in almost a year.

I am happy. I got a new camera. I now have a Canon Digital Rebel XT. I wanted the XTi, but I just couldn't afford it. My boyfriend bought my memory, he was going to buy me a gig but they were on sale for $30 so he got me two and a uv filter for my new lens. I will still use my film camera because I love film, but I will be using the digital for a lot of my projects. I will be using a lot of both. I am so excited, I do not know what I want to shoot first. My friend wants me to take some pics of his group DMP (long story). I have to come up with a list of things I want to shoot. I already know of some things. I think I will shoot with both cameras, have film and digital versions (I have always thought that that would be interesting). Ok, well off to work on a project.

I am so unmotivated right now. I really need to pull myself together, I do not want to repeat and repay for classes. I had good midterm grades and I was surprised. I have two posters to finish, one I am so behind on, the other just needs tweaking. I have to come up with the concept and draft for another project and finish up work for another class that I started on and never finished. Half of this stuff is due next week. No fun for me over the 4 day weekend.

I never posted any of my Halloween pics. I will have to do that, or I will just wait for my friends to shoot the pics of me. I think they will be better than my few Halloween pics. It was great though. I love being from Slytherin, we do do it better.

I can't wait until Halloween. I have the majority ofmy costume, I just have to get my skirt and knee high socks. Oh, yeah, I didn't state what it is Iam going to be. I am very fond of the Harry Potter books (yes, I know I am such a nerd), so I decided to dress up as a student from Hogwarts, but not from any old house of course. I have to be from Slytherin(it's the one I am always placed in and they are the best anyway). I have everything except for as stated, the ruddy old skirt and socks. I decided to mix certain elements from the new and old costumes from the movies. This will be so much fun. I am trying to figure out as many places I can go to for Halloween so that I can where the uniform as much as possible. Hell, I am even at the point where I have decided that I will where it to watch the next three movies when they come out. LOL, yeah I know it is kinda sad.

I am still so sad and distraught. I got home on Sunday night to discover that my mom had gottten rid of my two cats. She snapped and went all evil and crazy for no reason and got rid of them. I don't know where they are but I am only hope that they are okay and somewhere safe and loving. I miss them, especially Osiris because I had him the longest and we had a bond. I will miss them.

hmm...I realize I have been neglecting this poor old journal. Maybe I should change that, yes I should. I will remember to write in here more often and in my gotblack journal as well.

Ok, well, on Friday, while working I heard one of the patients talking to one of my co-workers and my co-worker asked him what is it that he does. then the patient said have you ever heard of G4 TV and right then my ears perked up and I couldn't help but become nosey. Anyway, my co-worker then said yes i have heard of it and then the patient said well I started it, it's mine. My co-worker then said, what do you mean, and the guy said it is my company I am the founder.

Well, right when the patient said that, I totally lost my marbles, I started pacing and I couldn't think straight. I told the two of my co-workers that I can trust the most and they all told me to go for it.

So, I waited a couple of seconds after the patient left and I ran after him (so inconspicuous). Well, to make a long story short, I talked to the guy, let him know how much I love the channel, the little history that I know about the channel, what I went to school for, what I hoped to do and such, etc, etc. It ended with me thanking the man for his time, shaking his hand and him handing me his card and telling me to email him directly about what I would like to do.

So...I emailed him today. I finally got the balls to do it and I emailed him. I am going to try for this really hard. I am so going to fucking try really hard. i mean, hey, they guy didn't have to give me his card and tell me to email him directly, so he must have wanted me to do it, he could have just told me to go online or something. I hope this all works out.

It's funny, after that all happened I was read my horoscope by one of my co-workers and it was so dead on, how interesting is that. I had to photocopy it. I will look for it and I will type it in here if I find it.

God, I am so nervous and so excited right now. i don't know what to do.

Can you believe it? I actually cooked a meal. It wasn't a really difficult meal per say but I actually did it. That's is a big thing if you don't know me, for I am not the cooking type. I am a go out and grab a bite girl, or what did ... cook for dinner person. I cooked Chicken Alfredo and I made a dessert from scartach called Blackberry Jelly (which can be made with alcohol and I did use it). It actually turned out pretty good. Everything was made from scratch too, dinner and dessert. The most shocking part is that....I actually enjoyed cooking. This could be the start of a brand new moi. I am going to try to make a dinner for me family Thursday night as well, for a special reason. I just have to figure out what to make. This is so much fun.

I know I said I would update my journal like in December, but that will have to wait a little longer. I will copy my entries from my other journal instead and edit them accordinly to fill in the time I have missed from here.

Sorry, that I haven't been on in a while. Like I had said before, I am the woman of the house, or was, my mom is back, too bad, well, at least she didn't die or anything because from what my cousin told me, things were worse than what was being said to my brothers and I. My mother was close to dying. I would think that coming so close to death my mother's ways would have changed, but alas they did not, she can still be as evil and mean as ever, and like the old saying goes a leapard never changes it's spots. I was just really hoping that she would have, sometimes people do change and realize that they were wrong or mean or evil.

Anyway, another one of my distractions, besides family and job troubles has been my getting ready for the new semester at school and this puzzle that I bought. The puzzle is 19" x 25" and it is really hard and time consuming. When I actually finish it I will post a picture of it, it's from a scene of Tim Burton's 'The Nightmare Before Christmas'. I was set back in my putting it together because when I was gone a child came over and fucked with the pieces and I had to reconstruct a big chunk of what I already had.

I was going to go to the Slipknot show in April but I decided not to because at first swe were going to go to the show in San Diego, but since The Forum is so much more closer and they added that day everyone I was going with decided to to go to that one instead and at that point I had to take back my decision to go because I don't go to Inglewood and that's where The Forum is. The reason of my not going there is because I went there a few years ago and I got "banged on" me, I mean come on does it look like I am in a gang? I also know of a person who got robbed there and a hole put in his head that needed many stitches. So, therefore my boyfriend, his brother and cousins and a few others are going, but sadly, I am not.

The new semester has me nervous, I work full time for those who don't know and this semester I decided to take on three classes, two of which will peobably drive me nuts with homework and such. I am taking an english class, and Spanish 2 ( I got an A in Spanish 1, yay and a B in the other class I took), these two classes mught be the two harder of the three, not necessarily because they are hard classes, just homework and reports and all of that stuff and for the Spanish 2 class I have to clock in lab hours to pass. The third class i am taking is an acrylic painting class, I have always wanted to learn how to paint but I have never taken a class. I do hear though, that this may be a hard class to take as well, so maybe this just might be one hard semester. I mean come on, the painting class alone is 5 hours. I hope I will be able to keep up with these classes all semester.

Ok, that's it for now, I have to try to figure out some of my Valentine's Day stuff, like what lingeri to buy and which reserved hotel room I want to decide to choose and ehich place we are eating at because neither of the two we decided on take reservations. Ok, I will try to get on before the weekend, if I don't I will get on Monday for sure.

I haven't been on here in a while so I plan to type up whatever I feel like that I want to type that has whappened since my last entry and put it on here. I realize that I haven't been on the computer much because between work and school and spending time with the people I want or feel like spending time with, I don't have much time to roam here. When I do get on the computer, I do projects, check my email and then see about Gotblack. So, I will update. That is a goal of mine. Not that anyone even notices or cares anyway. If that is the case oh well, because I only really do this for myself and I think that is probably what most people do anyway.

I have been depressed for a long time now, so I have been writing more and drawing more to try and help me cope. Actually to no avail. Hopefully, this will all come to an end one way or another. I am trying to be strong and not bring my life to an end for if I would do that I would be breaking a promise to someone that I honestly and truly love. I am trying so hard, but I guess I am going through that Murphy's Law type of thing, everything that can go wrong willy go wrong. I actually am trying to handle the financial and identity theft issues no matter what that may mean. I went to the S.S. Administation today and called some of those credit agencies and the police and all.

I need to find a place to post my writings online. Get some feed back on them you know. I also showed my boyfriend some of my writings about how I feel because it's hard for me to actually tell him how I feel. I want to move out, get out, actually I just want to get away from myself as well. I think I am truly at the point where I don't really care about myself, but it has been that way for a while now actually. I remember when everything was going so much better for me, but that has never really lasted long for me now has it.

When everything was going better I could actually see myself having a child with my boyfriend which is really different for me. There was a time when I didn't want to have kids but now that I am older I thought that maybe when I was around thirty that I would have a child, but since he has been in my life and and I actually realize that I love him I realized that I didn't want to wait that long that maybe in a year or two, depending if we were still together. Now, now I don't see that any more. I don't believe that I will live to the age of twenty-five. I honestly believe that I will end up killing myself or I will die from being worried, andgry and upset all of the time, by via heart attack or stroke. I know that my blood pressure has risen and I have been have much more chest pain and the other day when I was at work and I was really upset muscle spasms in the left side of my face as well as the other things I mentioned. I told my grandmother about it and she is worried because she has had a heart attack and a stroke and she knows that my symptoms are signs of those things. She wishes there was something that could be done and that I wasn't in all of the situations that I am in.

I am just tired, tired of fighting the things I am fighting and tired of living. I hope that I will truly be happy sooner or later, but I fear if it is musch too late then I will not be around for it to happen. Oh, Godess and God please help me. I fear what I will do to myself. i know what I will do to myself because I have tried it more than one time before. If there is any higher power up there please help me. Oh Please.

It's been a while since I have been on here, school and other things have kept me away, but I think I may be back on a little more now.

I have also been sorting things out and trying to figure out other things and getting more involved with other things that I kinda dropped out on.

Well, it's Monday, which means the begining of the work week. Well, at least I have a three day weekend coming up. I might actually make it a 3 1/2 day weekend so I can go to check on this job I was told about. I will be making about double what I am now. I really can't take where I am working at. I lover everyone there, it's like a family atmosphere but I don't get paid enough for what I do and at this other place it is the same thing for double the pay, so what the hell why not try.

Today I got my first check for My GD work. I have gotten pain for my work before but not the way I did today. I am doing this on hte side until I can get a good place to work at and re-establish my portfolio. I am going over all my work and finding whatever I don't like about it and fixing it. I trying to get my portfolio up to par. And this first "real" check is just the boost I needed, besides the fact that this person wants me to do even more work for him.
I am trying to figure out what to do for my birthday this year. All of my big birthdays are over now. So, what to do for the 22nd one? I have no idea and less that a month to figure it out. I think my boyfriend is planning something and my mom is planning something I know she is. I don't know what any of my friends might be planning either. I guess we will have to see when it happens. Personally, I want to go see Static-X, that would be good enough for me. I hear they put on a good show. I didn't get to see them last year like I was suppossed to because unforseen circumstances. Really bad circumstances.


Since I have been gone from here I think I made a lot of changes in my life, which is good. Personality changes and mind set changes. I have actually learned to let things go, stand-up for my self, have higher self-esteem, not be as stubborn as I usually am and how to forgive people for things that they have done to me. I try not to dwell on the past as much. I am even starting to forgive my cousin for a lot of the evil things she has done to me in the past.

I am so bored now all of a sudden. Actually I think I have a concussion. I hit my head really bad today and I am afraid to go to sleep and i am so naucious. Hopefully I wake up in the morning I don't think it would be nice to slip into a coma, it may be peaceful but not a nice thing to happen.So I will end this now and hopefully I will right something tomorrow.

Ok, so I used to love this Playstation game when I was in high school called Bust-A-Groove and my friend bought a copy of it off E-Bay because that game is pretty hard to find and people who are selling it on E-bay are doing so for ridiculous prices. Anyway, my friend got a pretty reasonable priced opy, so I told him to find me one too, and luckily he was able to do so. He got his copy today which means mine should be coming in this week too. While I am waiting though, I mentioned it to one of my co-workers who is a computer and game buff and he happened to have a copy of the game, which he is letting me borrow indefintatly, so yay.

Power Yoga is so kicking my ass. Everytime I do it I feel the burn big time and sometimes I have to skip a day or so from doing it because my abs and such are still sore the next day. I guess that is a good thing. I mix the power yoga and traditional yoga, which is what I hope to be a pretty good workout. I a trying to keep myself motivated with this and trying to eat right. One of my motivational points being that I don't want to be a fat ass. There are people in my family of all shapes and sizes and I don't want to be on the side of those who are big.

On mother's day people were trying to jinx me, they were saying Happy Mother's Day, and I guess because of the faces I was making they said well not yet, but maybe soon. I kept saying no, I am not ready for that. I have people from all ends trying to bring up the point of Motherhood, but the thing is I don't think I am ready for that, besides, I don't have the patience for it. When I am ready, then maybe my patience will build. The only people who don't mention it cause they don't want that for me right now are my grandparents, mother, one uncle and my aunt.

I am working on coming up with more concepts for my projects for my class, I have a few but I have some more to think of and class ends next month so I beter think of some stuff soon. Now that I finally have the program that we use in class, I will be able to work on my projects from home which is a big plus. As before I will probably become consumed in my work, but I don't think that is a bad thing, maybe because I tend to be a perfectionist with things.

Oh it was cool, "Jesse" had came back last week, I didn't want to bother here, though, because it was really early in the morning and she had to go to a different office, but when she comes again, I will see about getting her autograph, hopefully she won't be one of those people who snaps on people who asks such things.

Well, it was really interesting for me Friday when I notivced a woman at my job who looked very familiar. I kept staring at her and then I realized, she is the woman from a movie I watch very much. Oh, shit, it is Jesse, Marguerite Moreau, from queen of the damned. She looked just the same as she did in the movie, she didn't have any makeup on at all.

Anyway, I took C to melrose, it was his first time there, his cousin went as well. I saw a white shit that I liked alot but I decided I was not going to spend $65 on a shirt, especially a white one, besides I am on a budget. We had fun and we hung out all day.
When we got done we went to his house and hung out there, it was so damn hot out this weekend, and it was today.

I am at home right now because class was cancled today. My instructor was "sick", but I just figure he was using his sick days. On the school note, I am happy that I am getting two of the programs I need, especially the one we are using for class.

Friday, I am suppossed to go see Van Helsing with some of the girls from class. They tried to get me to go see mean girls this past Friday, but I wasn't too into that one. This Friday might be interesting though, because those girls are really crazy and goofey. They are a really cool group of girls.

Anyway, I am too hot right now to keep thinking of things that have happened so, I will talk later.

I am so happy it's the weekend. I have time to rest since I decided to go to work sick this week, well three days out of the week. They tried to get me to go home but I wouldn't I mean I need the money and I didn't want to use my sick or vacation time.

So, we were suppossed to take Abe and sone girl to the club, which I doubt will happen because I don't want to spread my germs to the populace, it will be some kind of outbreak incident, but I don't know who was the little monkey that gave it to me. If I sound all crazy, sorry, I am just hopped up on medication.
Anyway, I doubt that we will go, and if we did, I wouldn't be able to dance and that's just a waste of money.

Oh, class was horrible Monday, I saved some of my work and continued working then the comp I was using froze on me and it ws so bad that we had no choice but to unplug the thing and start up the comp again, which to my dissmay upon trying to open the work that I was saved, it was lost never to return to me. Now, I am a little behind, but I have faith that I will be to catch back up, I am like the little engine that could, despite the fact that I know I can instead of thinking I can. Too bad I don't have the program at home to work on my projects.

On a positive school note, I have started recieving my samples from all of those companies, so yay. Some have even sent "discount" certificates, I prefer to call them coupons.

This is about something that I relieved myself of some months ago.

I am so happy that Mr. C is as nice as he is and doesn't dwell in the past, I still ask him about what he thinks and if he is mad about what I did last year, when I got all drunk and stupid, but he just tells me "I don't know why you told me that anyway, it was in the past and we weren't together anyway" and stuff like that. I just fell bad because I still saw him occasionally and I really liked him alot even then. I am just surprised that I had the balls to tell him about it, I can't remember if it was in January or December but I know it was before Christmas, I just knew that it felt like I was keeping something from him and I had to get it off my chest, which I am glad I did, it opened up a better trust channel because I told him about that. I was so stupid, I know, but at least that's over with and I was able to let all of that go, it felt like liberating myself from some sort of self prison.

Actually I am really surprised that I have been able to let so many things go these last four or five months, usually I just keep everything bottled inside until I burst, maybe it was because my friend who is a Psychology major told me that if I keep doing that it was going to be the death of me, do you know what the stuff does to your heart and health? I will just say this, not letting things go leads you to an early grave.

I was going to post about that months ago but I don't know, my only regret is not telling him that when it happened, but like they say better late then never. I think that I maybe didn't post it because I was scared but I didn't want that the only thing I was keeping from him come from someone else because it would have made it worse, after I told him that some months ago, I thought he was going to stop talking to me, but it's four or five months later and he is still here and speaking to me.

I told a couple of my best friends about it when it happened but, they said that I didn't have to tell him because he wasn't my boyfriend,but I got to the point when I just had to tell him. When I told my friends that I told him they were surprised, but happy that I did something that I thought was best. They also understood the fact that I wanted to get that off of my chest before any of the other four people who knoew about the incident would tell him, it would have seemed worse that way and besides it is best to be a woman and live up to your mistakes and whatever consequences there might be.

I am being so lazy today. Not much to do and also I am resting for this week, you know, work and school and such.

I did stretch my years an hour ago from an 18 gauge to a 14 gauge. I guess I was just that bbored. I didn't hurt. One went through really easily because I think that when my brother helped me put an earring in some months ago he accidently did that. The other one i had to work through. It sure took a while, I didn't want to mess up and tear it. I am thinking about my next piercing. I tell you it is addictive. I am still working on my tattoo also. When I finish draeing the dragon then I will get it done. I am giving myself until spring break to finish. I want to get it done during that time.

Yesterday I went to practice driving and saw The Passion of The Christ. I think that it was very good. It was weird though, my being so emotional and all I didn't cry. Unless it is some kind of subconscience think to might not wanting to cry in front of the group of guys I was with, or because I have seen it so much growing up, or because I have a cold and my eyes had watered so much before we went that I couldn't allow myself to tear up anymore.

Besides, I hate it when I cry, even though I do it so much because I am just an emotional person.